More Funny Stories / Inspirational Stories / An Update

(If you haven't already seen my first set of funny stories, check it out, too.)

1. In addition to "Mr. Bowtie," "The Bow Tie Guy," "Metal Guy," and "Mr. Ninja," I am apparently also called "The Pirate Guy."  A group of 10th graders at one school seems to have come up with that due to my long hair and ear piercings.  As thrilling as it would be to magically meet an old-fashioned pirate, meeting one who wears a bow tie would suitably fulfill my life.  Furthermore, I was recently talking to a student at "Pirate Guy" school about how she knew a lot of students at "Ninja Guy" school.  I told her that a couple students their call me "Mr. Ninja" and she said, "Those are my friends!"  Hm.  Small world.

2. I got asked to prom.  No, really.  Yes, by a student.  There are times when, after discovering that singing is my primary musical focus, students convince me to sing something for them.  On this day I had a class split into two adjacent rooms so that they'd have enough computers to use, and while singing for one room, those in the other came to the door to listen.  One of those girls, just before leaving class said, "Mr. Duval, I haven't found a date for prom yet and I think you would be perfect."  Stunned, wary, and unavoidably flattered, I said "No thanks, I'm afraid I can't do that.  Good luck."  It's really too bad I couldn't sing this well when I in high school.

3. I was in a cafeteria walking by a table of students that had just had a class with me.  One girl asked me where I was from and then, "Did you fly?" whilst comically flapping her arms like little wings.  "Yes, but I had to flap a lot faster than that," I said.  That joke earned laughs and led to her repeating the gesture each time she saw me that day (which was often, due to an assembly), which I responded to with direct imitation.  Plenty of other students laughed when their sub flapped his arms awkwardly in the halls.

4. At the same table, a student asked a question more ridiculous than the classic "Are you smart?"  This one asked, "Are you old?"

5. I'm not sure if this counts as "funny":  I was substituting for a middle school when I was confronted with some questions that I never expect to hear again...multiple times.  In one class, a student walked in and said to me, "You're creepy." Another soon asked, "Are you famous?"  I said "No, have you seen me on TV or something?" and the student's response was, "You look like a serial killer."  In a later class of a different grade, I was told, "You look creepy."  As if this weren't enough, the next day (in a new, hopefully less frightening bow tie), I was walking through the front door of the building and a girl whispered to her friend, "He's scary," as I walked by.  Such things have never happened at any other school or at that school again since that 24-hour series.

6. The second time subbing for a particular high school was filled with unexpected and flattering praise.  Just before a first period study hall began, a student that was in my class the previous week walked in and flat-out yelped with glee when he saw me.  Hmm.  Other students were also quite pleased (though not quite as vocal) to see me.  Yes, this happens to plenty of good subs, but I was particularly surprised to see this my second day in a school.  During a fire drill later in the day another teacher said, "Hey, you're that sub they keep talking about."  I am?  Apparently so.  Reputations spread quickly at that place.

7. Particularly after singing, I have had a number of students talk to me about becoming music majors.  I love opportunities to talk to students about finding and pursuing their passion(s).

8. There have been two incredible days this semester.  The first was when two music teachers had subs; I for band, and a non-musician for choir.  I had the chance to give input to a couple choirs and wound up conducting a few pieces.  The students and I all had so much fun because they responded to my suggestions, critiques, and conducting gestures.  That kind of ensembleship (pretend that's a word) is what makes music education unlike anything else, and it absolutely made my week.  The second was when I was subbing for a [different] choir teacher and worked with a wonderfully receptive choir.  I just talked about it, though I neglected to mention the amazingly inspirational moment at the end of that day; about five students walked to me and shook my hand as they were leaving class.  I couldn't believe it.  To any students out there, if you want to make a teacher feel appreciated, do that — shake your teacher's hand and say, "Thank you."

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Finally, an update.  I've moved to a nearby state for the summer to a place where I can practice piano incessantly, attempt to accomplish a lot of my self-assigned "summer reading list," and apply for a lot of jobs.  I'll continue to blog, as I have a few in the draft phase and fully expect to find other research and current events to discuss.

A portion of my list.  I've yet to purchase a few.

How Substitute Teaching Should Work: Part 2

Continued from Part 1.

I'm employed by many districts and I'm certified to work for any of their schools.  All told, I'm signed up to sub for 53 schools in my area, and that doesn't count the many other districts that a regional substitute service has me signed up for.

That's ridiculous.  Instead of having, say, 200 substitutes haphazardly signed up for 50 schools, couldn't we have 3 signed up for each school as full time, and 50 others available for per diem emergencies?

Every school has different standards of scheduling, discipline, teacher duties, and more.  There is no way I'm going to remember exactly what each school does, and there's no way I'll be provided with every bit of that information every day I teach.  I don't even remember which front door is unlocked at the beginning of the day at each school I've worked at.

I'm imagining a system in which I would work for one district and focus on, for example, their High School and their Middle School.  I would be the first (or one of the first, given multiple employees in the same position) to be called to sub and I would be exquisitely prepared.  If I were not needed to sub for a day, I would go to the school anyway and complete other work.  I would be there for any emergency coverage needed as well as a number of other things.

My proposal for the role of full time substitute teachers:

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Job Description:  Full time substitutes will proactively keep up-to-date with the curricula of the subjects for which they are assigned as a primary substitute.  They will insure that they understand the material at least as well as the students so that they can introduce new material and answer questions, though they are not expected to be as expert in every subject as the dedicated classroom teachers are.  They will interact daily with students.  They will take part in school-wide events and event planning (if time permits).  They will keep up-to-date on changes in school rules and policies.  They will retain, and update as necessary, emergency plans and materials for all classes of their assigned subjects.

Full time substitutes will be expected to contribute knowledge, experience, and perspective to each class, student, or school community with which they work.  They will make themselves available for emergency coverage, exam proctoring, and other similar needs (especially those unforeseen).  They will serve as one-on-one tutors for students, especially for their assigned subjects of focus.  They will be a primary resource for per diem substitutes and guest teachers when they are needed in the school.  When possible, they will co-teach lessons as arranged with a classroom teacher.

Full time substitutes must be certified highly qualified teachers.  They must be personable, motivated, and flexible.

Benefits:  Full time substitutes will be salaried employees with standard benefits.  They will receive space to work and store materials as well as a network account and the same building access as classroom teachers.

Acknowledged Issues:  Implementing a system in which a few full time substitutes are the primary substitutes of a district and are thus provided with a salary and benefits would be significantly more costly than working only with per diem substitutes.

Advantages:  Students would benefit greatly from this system, as wasted days and time would be much more rare.  They would benefit from the perspective and tutelage of another highly qualified teacher for every subject they study.  Administrators and secretaries would benefit from this system by having the amount of substitute-related paperwork and oversight dramatically reduced.  An automated substitute-calling system would very likely no longer be needed and the job of calling substitutes personally would be minimal compared to what it is for the completely per diem system.  Payroll, too, would have the burden of quantity lifted.

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As it was pointed out to me in the comment section of Part 1, there are at least some private schools that do something like this.  I have yet to find out more details about those systems.

A reminder again that this idea is a seedling.  Thus, I am quite open to critique, questions, and input.

How Substitute Teaching Should Work: Part 1

I've barely been a sub for two months and there's this seedling of an idea growing in my mind.  Substitute teaching should be a full-time job and a truly integral part of education.  It should be done by those with the skills to actually contribute to a variety of curricula, and those who sub should be compensated more like non-substitute teachers.

I'm not just bitter that I get paid per diem and don't have any benefits or security to speak of, and the last thing that I'm doing is diminishing the value of classroom teachers (that's how I'll refer to the full-time teachers of the current system).  I'm convinced, perhaps naïvely, that there is a better way to use subs.

First, a glance at the current system: substitute teachers are like freelancers.  We get hired by as many school districts as we choose to (and that choose us, of course) and then accept or deny jobs as they are offered to us (by phone or online).  We get paid a predetermined amount for each day (or half) that we work and receive no benefits or contract of any kind.  In the state in which I work, substitute teachers must meet the same "highly qualified educator" status as classroom teachers — we must be certified.  There is also a system for "guest teachers" here that allows non-certified individuals to sub if there is such a need.

Letters from superintendents insist that we are "an integral part of education," but we are not.  A typical day for a sub goes like this: A sub will arrive at a school, sign in, and find their classroom.  They will search for lesson plans on the teacher's desk and usually find something that tells them what classes they will teach, where rosters can be found, and what movie to play or worksheet to complete for each class.  They will welcome the students, go through attendance, and babysit them while they do a worksheet or watch a movie.  They will read a book whenever they can and between classes.  They will either sit uncomfortably in the faculty room during lunch or avoid others and eat in their room.  They will write down any disciplinary issues or deviations from the lesson plans for the teacher, sign out at the office, and go home to search for another job.

I fear that this paragraph will sound haughty, but I think I do good work and am willing to compare myself in this way to other subs.  This is how a typical day goes for me: I sign in, find lesson plans, find emergency materials and forms, find rosters, and identify the books that the students are working from.  I'll read the lesson plans multiple times, then learn what I can about the material being studied, and think hard about what I could do with each class if they run out of work.  I welcome the students, go through attendance, and then do what the lesson plans ask.  I will go through the worksheets myself to make sure I understand the material, watch the movie with the students, and learn the relevant rubric for a class project.  I will seek out opportunities to help students and get to know them to some degree (which I also find helps immensely to keep them focused).  In my spare time, I'll read from their textbook or other materials so that I can be even more helpful as the day progresses.  I will briefly lecture on material that students are having difficulty with.  I will take detailed notes about questions I couldn't answer, disappointing or laudable behavior, any lecturing I did, and deviations from plans.  I clean and organize what I can in the room without disrupting anything too much (some teachers like a messy desk, I won't change that but I'll make sure everything ends where it began), say "hi" to any students that I see that I've taught before on the way out, offer to the office to do anything else they need, and sign out (to, of course, go home and search for another job).

There are many other subs who go this extra mile, as well, but it is surely not the standard expectation of classroom teachers or administrators.  I'm convinced that with some changes, the effort and care that those like me put into this role could be taken advantage of and used to significantly contribute to students' educations.

I propose a system in which substitute teaching is a full-time job on par with being a classroom teacher.  Details to come in Part 2...

OK

One of the most stale, almost meaningless words in language is surprisingly powerful in an educational setting: OK.

Students seek attention — desperately, at times.  Refusing to give them attention is sometimes necessary, but if doing so is a teacher's standard practice, leave leave an uncaring impression on students.  If a teacher responds to every tiny plea for attention with even a complete sentence, they commit a crime equivalent to feeding a pigeon; all others nearby will flock in search of spoils.  To properly balance this teetering scale, one must perfect the use of the goldilocks term: OK.  In the situations to which I am referring, "OK" is used to acknowledge a student without giving them anything to respond to.  This has the effect of stopping a student from continuing without making them feel ignored.  Some examples:

Student: Look, my arm is purple because I drew on it with a marker last period!
Me: OK.

S: Metal music is the best.
Me: OK.

S: I'm saving a couple of problems on this worksheet so that I'll have something to do at my Aunt's house tonight.
Me: OK.

Of course there's more to this balance than the borderline gratuitous use of "OK," but I felt like expressing my newfound recognition of the word's usefulness.

Disclaimer: To any future teachers out there, be aware that using a word that does nothing but acknowledge a student truly places communicative emphasis on tone and body language.  In the above examples, "OK" with a gruff tone will not help, whereas saying "OK" with a bit of a grin would work.


I also felt like informing readers that I do intend to put up one or two more significant posts soon.  I'm currently motivated to write about the phenomenon of sound isolation, but need to set aside the time to do so.  There is also some moderately interesting music research that I may choose to write about.  After complaining a while ago about the mess of signing up to substitute, I'm now an employee of numerous districts and have a job almost every day.  Between that, keeping up with research, and applying for full-time jobs, I'm busier than I was during my early January bonanza.

Mr. Who

It seems every time I sub I fill a different role.  I can't tell if I'm subconsciously emphasizing certain aspects of my personality just to test out student responses, if aggregate classroom attitudes really vary this much, or if I can blame the following on the clothes I wear.

As discussed in my last post, I recently wore a bow tie to a middle school.  Some students took to calling me "Mr. Bowtie."  I think it's catchy.  The immediate impression of eccentricity seemed to make my eccentric moments (lapses in memory or a candid admission of how I can be both boring and fun) more humorous to the students.

The next day I subbed I returned home feeling like I had "Mr. Accessible" written across my forehead.  That's not dirty.  It means that on that day, students (high school) were incredibly accepting of me due to an unusually lenient attitude of mine.  While students were working on projects with computers, I would walk around the class and help, chat, or correct as needed.  I was caught by surprise once when I walked passed a student who abruptly closed the lid of his friend's laptop and I chuckled automatically.  Both kids were surprised by my reaction and we all laughed.  I soon said that I was willing to laugh "because I know that it won't happen again," which I followed with a friendly glare.  Another boy once got up to go distract some others and, while walking, had to hold up his pants to keep them from falling off completely.  I said, so the whole class could hear, "Hey, _____, I was going to tell you to wear a belt, but as I see you have one on, I suppose you just don't know how they work."  Everyone laughed, including him, and he returned to his seat to work and remained on good terms with me for the class.  At the end of the day I found myself giving a bit of a pep talk to a [stoner] student who sought me out for a question.  We talked for a few minutes and he seemed very receptive.  I like the accessible approach.

Today, I was a sub in an elementary music classroom.  I worked with three kindergarten classes (and some other older ones) and officially never want to spend consecutive days with students under 11.  One was fine, more would be crazy.  My mind is not suited for tiny children.  It is today that I felt like "Mr. Who?"  My last name really isn't very hard, and I'm happy if students use its initial, but I got the blankest stares from students today when I introduced myself, and was just "Mister!  Mister!" or "man with long hair" for most of the day.

I almost forgot that I mentioned clothes at the beginning of this and then only mentioned the bow tie as something relevant.  I always wear a tie, and I arrive and leave school with a sport coat (which I often have on during the day too).  Importantly, while the tie and coat set me apart (especially from HS students) as mature and educated, certain friends of mine have made sure I can also coordinate my clothes well enough to be accepted by the modern fashion standards of twenty-somethings.  I think it's this combination of both youth and maturity in my first impression that enables the kinds of interactions discussed above.

Recent Substitutions

I've had a few jobs as a substitute recently, and they've almost all been interesting.  I am enjoying meeting all of these administrators and neighboring teachers and think I've been leaving good impressions.

I just got home from my first time subbing back at the district where I was a student teacher.  I subbed for Mrs. D, in fact.  Many students and staff were very happy to see me in the school again, and those who did not yet know me (most of the MS students I had, in fact) accepted me quickly.  Maybe it was because I was wearing a very colorful bow tie.  The tie itself got a lot of attention today, all positive.

In one humorous moment, I was beginning class and an introduction of myself when I noticed that in the back corner of the room a boy was leaning way back in his seat, with the hood of his sweatshirt over his eyes, allowing him to just barely see me with his head tilted back and resting on his chair, his legs sprawled, and his arms crossed.  I paused for a moment (everyone was paying good attention), looking at him, and then said "What, are you trying to intimidate me?"  There were some giggles, even from him, but then I said, "Because you just can't intimidate a guy with a bow tie."  Everyone laughed, including this boy as he sat up and removed his hood.  My joke barely makes sense (something about self-confidence, I guess?) but it worked anyway.

I also keep telling this story: During my first day substituting, a 7th grade boy asked a music question (during music class).  I answered his question and the boy next to him looked at me and said, "Are you smart?"  Quickly think of what you'd say to that.  "Yes, I'm a teacher," was tempting, but he and I have both had unintelligent teachers, I'm sure.  I said "I'll let you decide that one."  I think that was a splendidly unabashed question, and it totally caught me off guard.

At this point I'm substituting for many districts.  I also just heard from a friend about a substitute finding system that many other districts are clients of, and that he's been subbing more than me because of it.  I don't know how my college's education department thinks they're helping graduates find jobs if they haven't even informed us about this simple, popular, local opportunity.  I'm a little bit bitter, but will sign up with them next week.

I just got a call from a local independent school that I've worked with in the past asking me to apply for a very proximal long-term substitute position for their older students......in math.  Hmm.  I think I will probably try that.  Other job opportunities: nearby short-term choral position, rumor of at least one upcoming local full-time music position, a full-time in WI, and a full-time in CA.

12/8

I'm still sick, and though I managed to make it through yesterday, I didn't make it past 2nd period today when Mrs. D told me that I should go home.

The timing is bearable; the General Music classes are just watching a movie (they all selected West Side Story, by the way).  I was also able to get through a morning observation (my final one) just fine.

We had a HS choir rehearsal that [intentionally] extended into the next class period today, which meant that I couldn't do much with Theory.  It extended further than I expected though — I ended up with no time at all for Theory.  This, too, is bearable, but less fortunate when the context of tomorrow is considered.  I will be going with the show choir on an all-day trip, and we'll have a sub at the school.  There will be 3/5 Theory students there (2 are coming on the trip) and several variables have conspired to make it ridiculous for me to include anything in the lesson plan for the sub that really has to do with Theory.  We think that a neighboring music teacher will have something for them to do, otherwise they'll have a study hall.  Hm.  C'est la vie.

12/6 - Sick Day

I'm sick and stayed home today.

I did get the pleasure of tearing myself out of bed to e-mail the day's plans to Mrs. D.  I'm lucky that right now my "sub" is my own teacher, and didn't need to be given extremely detailed instructions.  I know for the next time I might have to take a sick day that it would be most wise to write out plans the night before, so that they'd only need to be sent on the morning of.

I just got a very amusing call from Mrs. D during the show choir rehearsal to ask me something about my selection.  It was fun to hear the students yell to me.

10/12

Mrs. D couldn't come to school today, so I was on my own (with a sub) again.  She warned me of this possibility last night and we thought up some things to do.

I intend to make much closer observation of how Mrs. D keeps the attention of the choir.  The idle chatter is no different than that of the 7th graders (in fact, today it was worse), but the effect is compounded by the large number of students.  I focused on projecting my voice better and being clear and deliberate in my statements and directions.  I was still asked once if I could speak louder, but louder required yelling.  I could get them all to be quiet when I asked, but it just wouldn't last once I returned my attention to the music.  I shouldn't have to yell throughout an entire rehearsal...right?

GM went well, except the second class conspired to create both the weirdest and the funniest moments of the day.  At the beginning of class a couple students had heard that someone related to someone is sick (in no grave way) and a student loudly asked if they could pray for him.  I said, "You can do whatever you want," and turned to continue class, but she persisted, "No, I mean can we all pray together?"  I responded with, "No, that would be inappropriate," and eventually ended with a lame fallback on education courses teaching me that it's inappropriate.  I'm a bit sad that I feel so afraid to make any statement regarding religion that I felt the need to use courses I've taken as an excuse for doing the right thing.  I want to be able to give a real response, and I shouldn't have to be afraid to explain why religious endorsements aren't appropriate in public schools, but I am.  There's nothing I can do now except dodge, dodge, dodge.

Fret not!  I still have to tell you about the best part of the day.  That class had students asking, "How do you whistle?"  So I actually took a few minutes at the end of class to try to teach them how to whistle.  That was great.


Please Mr. Postman - The Marvelettes

10/8

Mrs. D and her family extended their weekend from 3 (we have Monday off) days to 4 and took today off for a short trip.  So I was on my own again today (with a sub).

I did a little bit of work with the HS Choir.  I warmed them up with one exercise that Mrs. D uses and then one that my college director uses.  I used the vowel-shaping focus of the second one to transition into working with the choir on a unison melody in a song (with a focus on vowels).  I have to give credit to many members of the choir, they were focused and intent on hearing me and trying to learn, but there was also still a lot of trouble from that notorious group of girls I've spoken of before.  There was also an expected hurdle that it seems will take more time to overcome even with the students who want to do well; they're just not used to my style of directing (one which isn't at all solidified anyway).  Compared to Mrs. D, I'm rather dry and serious — intently focused on what I want to teach.  This was evident during that second warm-up activity; it required following some conducting while singing a new thing, so their sound was very timid and unsure.  The same sort of sound was all I could get during the song rehearsal too since my use of the piano is different than Mrs. D's.  I did also identify a hurdle for myself to overcome; I can't yet digest all of the actions, sounds, and attention of so many students at once, so it's really difficult to adapt my teaching because with so many students responding/acting in so many different ways.  I feel removed and alone.

Today was school colors day at the HS and hat day at the MS.  I wore a cool tie and a fedora.  Sorry, no picture.

I somehow managed to get to the same point in the movie at the end each of the 3 GM classes.  That will make Tuesday easy.

There was a tricky incident today.  Just as students were arriving for a GM class, a girl stormed out of the room and a [rather excitable] boy followed her in haste.  I did too, and the girl told me she was going to the office to report the boy for being a persistent pest (my words, not hers).  The boy just about threw a fit (and did throw his hat), so I took them both aside, got their stories (the boy keeps bugging the girl even when she asks him to stop), made the boy apologize and understand that the real apology is in not continuing that behavior, but I left it open for the girl to go to the office.  Fortunately, she chose not to after the apology.  I felt like I was teaching elementary kids how to resolve a problem, but I'm concluding that 7th grade is about when I get to tell them that I expect them to be able to come to their own resolutions, but when they still won't get it right every time.


Nacht und Träume (Franz Schubert) - Dietrich Fischer-Dieskau

9/22

(I must relay this very interesting study.  Yesterday, the results of the first scientific study of merit-based pay of teachers were released.  They found that merit pay does not improve student test scores.  Here's the release, and here's a video of the highlights of the announcement.)

Things went pretty well today as I was essentially on my own.  I'm proud.

HS Choir has this group of girls who sit in the back that simply don't participate and talk constantly.  Today, possibly due to the absence of Mrs. D, this activity escalated to cursed insults directed at other choristers.  I had some trouble with them while I was directing warm-ups and music, but I had them under control enough that I could ignore them.  The reports of the swearing and insults came in the form of numerous reports from the victims after class.  I'm furious at the way these girls act.  Tomorrow we'll be putting them in the front row, beginning our process of trying everything we can before kicking them out of choir.

I gave a quiz in GM today on the subject of the bass clef.  The questions are almost exactly the same as they were for the treble clef quiz, and I've only spent the last three days telling them that the bass clef is different than the treble clef, yet there were two students who answered every question as it would be answered for the treble clef, not the bass clef.  Grrrrr.

I had a rehearsal with just the boys of MS Choir and they started to talk about how much they like how many girls are in the choir.  I pointed out to them that I know they've been acting disruptive just to get attention and show off and they all nodded and agreed.  I then told them that even though being a distraction can get giggles from the girls, that those girls in choir are more likely to keep thinking about a boy later on if he focuses on singing well during choir.  Is that true?  I don't know, but I'm going to run with it as far as I can.


Martha My Dear - The Beatles

9/21

It turns out that the girl who walked out yesterday just wanted to say "hi" to other teachers and see if I'd notice.  I love it when they test me and I win.

I realized that I may not have ever told you why I put links to music at the end of each post.  The music I post there is whatever selection was played in Theory that day for the purposes of discussion.  I play something during class (to break up my lecture) every day, and if a student brought something I'll play that instead.  So, if I can find an iTunes link (or something else without looking too hard), I'll provide it.  If I can't, I'll just identify the piece.

Each GM class got a short talkin'-to from me today about my role in the class and why I need their quiet and respect when I ask for it.  I think it sounded like, "Me teacher!  You listen!"

Tomorrow, Mrs. D will be absent and there will be a substitute.  She left him a "lesson plan" saying that she has a student teacher and he doesn't have to do a thing.  So...I plan on doing a little bit of work with the HS Choir on a piece we started today, teaching Theory as usual, giving quizzes in GM, and working with just the boys of the MS Choir (I need to teach them to match pitch).  Well, here goes nothin'...


Gros Zéro - Yelo Melo