Wednesday, May 4, 2011

Funny Stories!

1.  A very hungry English class was instructed to write an extended metaphor for life (in imitation of a Seinfeld quote).  The topic of conversation had just been about tacos, so a student asked if she could write about hot sauce as a metaphor for life.  "Sure!" I said.  "Flavorful in its initial impact, but prompt to strike with spice and pain?"  "Something like that," she responded, "keep going."  Knowing she'd write down whatever she could, I fired off a paragraph's worth of hot sauce = life prose, which left the class almost stupefied.  Needless to say, almost all of the work turned in was written about food.

2.  Soon after speaking to Mrs. D about some ridiculously frustrating events for her, I was her sub.  With these students in particular, I've made a habit of instructing them to draw something silly on the back of quizzes when they've finished and are waiting for others.  I've asked them to draw various things from their favorite animal to their favorite architectural structure.  On this day I recommended they draw "SuperD____ saving the middle school from aliens!"  The results were fantastic, as were the laughs from Mrs. D when she saw them.  The most memorable had her fighting off a space-duck with the power of the whole note.  Win.

3.  Some music theory students were making jokes near the beginning of class and one of them mumbled something about life and a box of chocolates.  Someone then said, "Sure, life is like a box of chocolates, but I'm allergic."  Laughter erupted.  Also, the "someone" was me.

4.  It was "Parents Day" at a middle school.  My class was in the library working on a project — many students were on computers.  One student was distracted by her iPad and I walked up behind her and said, "Remember, you have to have something turned in today.  I'd like you to focus."  She nodded and smiled and I started to walk away but she didn't make any move toward her computer.  I placed my hand near her keyboard and leaned in a little.  "You need to do some research.  Get started," I said, more firmly. She looked a little puzzled this time, turned around more, and pointed to a "Parents Day" sticker on her shirt.  She pointed to the boy next to her and said, "I'm his mom."

5.  In a jazz band rehearsal there were some missing students, including a soloist for one piece.  During the vamp in that section, sans solo, I called for a "cowbell solo!"  The cowbell player just hit it louder.  Hmm...the humor of that doesn't quite translate to paper, does it?  Well...we could all use more cowbell.

6.  I've allowed students to call me by a few different titles, such as the famous "Mr. Bowtie."  I was at a high school walking swiftly by a classroom during lunch when a student shouted, "Mr. Ninja!"  I stopped and took a few slow steps back until I could see in the class again.  "Yeah, you're Mr. Ninja," she said.  "I am?"  Apparently she first called me that many weeks prior after something that happened in Biology, but I don't remember it at all.  I guess I'm a ninja...who wears a bow tie.

I'd almost forgotten that my readers like hearing funny stories, and I should let you know that these were somehow the only things I could think of from recent weeks even though I'm sure funnier stuff has happened.  Consider this an expression of my intention to included more, and funnier, events like these in my future posts.


  1. Are you really allergic to chocolate?

    number 6: So if I compare you to the Doctor because you wear a bow tie...I must compare the Doctor to a ninja?

    This was one of my favorite posts and I hope you post more like it.

  2. I am not allergic to chocolate.

    Glad you enjoyed it.

  3. I like your jokes and I really appreciated it because it is your own experiences. I think you are now training for ninja..


  4. Thanks. More (and better, I think) humor to come!